Wednesday, April 30, 2008

U.S.S. San Jacinto Olympics Cake Decorating Contest

Sean sent me an email about the "Olympic Games" they had on their ship. Sean was in charge of the cake decorating contest and sent out an email to the different departments to get them involved. I thought it was funny. Sean is a Supply Officer, by the way.

Unfortunately, we can’t all win this contest (and by “we”, I mean every department besides Supply), but we’ll sure have fun trying (you can all try…Supply Department will skip over “trying to win” and go straight to “winning”). Just to save the judges some time, here’s what they’re probably going to see from each department:

FSO’s Predictions for Each Department’s Cake…

Weapons Department
While we appreciate the sentiment, and I agree, “Wepinz Departmint” really “Rulez”, just slapping a gun and some camo netting on a cake does not make it “cool”. Also, I have checked with the ITs in Radio, and unfortunately, they can’t modify Microsoft Spellcheck to work on your cake…so you’re on your own with that.

Engineering Department

Ummmm, it’s kind of implied that when you enter a “Cake Decorating” contest that you actually…decorate a cake. I mean, the meshing gears are really neat and all, but we were looking for something more…cake-like, and perhaps a little more…frostingish. Good job, Engineering. Better luck next time.

Combat Systems Department

Masterful use of 8-bit graphics, and it looks like San Jac has even gotten to Level 4. Go, San Jac! Very close to a first-place cake. We finally get to see how Combat Systems sees the mission of USS SAN JACINTO Unfortunately, the judges had to deduct points because the SPY radar on little SJA isn’t working, and it would have cost another $100,000 to get the parts it requires. Sorry, Combat Systems, your CASREP request for a first-place ribbon is denied.

Air Department
This was almost an award-winning cake…almost. Nothing says “cute” like a baby flying a helicopter…unless that baby is flying what is clearly an Apache helicopter that belongs to the Army! Come on, Air Department, if you’re going to make a cool helicopter cake, at least make it the right helicopter. And check the droop stops on that thing – they’re obviously not working right.

Operations Department
Excellent use of nautical themes! The anchor is part of Naval tradition, and is one of the oldest symbols of…what the heck?! On closer inspection, it looks like Operations Department has taken an actual anchor and just smeared some frosting on it. That’s even real nylon line attached to it. Let me check…yes, the rules do specify that a “cake” must be part of the “Decoration + Cake = Contest Entry” equation. I know the Deck Division guys say they eat nails for breakfast, but this is pushing it.

Executive Department
In a brilliantly creative twist, the Executive Department has submitted a white sheet cake with a perfect facsimile (in black icing) of a Special Request chit. While the fine print is quite impressive (who came up with the idea of putting “No Hitchhiking” at the bottom of a cake?), this cake is just another reminder of the daily grind of administration on San Jacinto. Sorry, Executive Department, your Special Request to win the Cake Decorating Contest will be routed to the Captain, and most likely…denied.

Supply Department
That’s the ticket. Nothing says “OORAH!” like a nice T-bone meat cake, made of meat loaf cake, mashed potato icing, and peas. The kind of cake that would make you proudly say, “I made that.” The kind of cake you would take home to Mom. The kind of cake you’d spend the rest of your life with (at least until you finished eating it), not to mention, it’s dead sexy. A clear winner.


PeggyB said...

I hate to say this, but the steak looks a little like a uterus...

Melissa said...


Are we in a war right now? I can't remember after seeing these cakes. Do they teach them Cake Decorating 101 in boot camp?