Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Meet the Mormons

The Articles of Faith of Mormon Culture

I swiped this from my sister's blog and had a good laugh over it. I've always said there is the LDS Gospel and then there is the LDS culture and often one has nothing to do with the other. This, however, brings it all together.

1. We believe in SUVs and minivans as the form of transportation, and in knee length shorts, which are always nice, and in the multilevel marketing.

2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.

3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice, all casseroles can be saved through obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.

4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole, that is, if you have it.

5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name, that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historical figure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings and French prefixes only add to a name, and that when referring to the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.

6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes, namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.

7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, family photos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.

8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; we also believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.

9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will now scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.

10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.

11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances with any visitor at church, and
allow all other people at church the same privilege, and let them name drop the names of Famous and general authorities how, where, or what they may.

12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses, and the writers of the
U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining Glenn Beck.

13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and being fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say that we follow BYU football. We believe rumors about famous people joining the church, we hope to meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after these things.

Monday, October 19, 2009

William's Fall Portraits

Here are the latest photos of William. Unfortunately, he inherited my fake smile.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Fair Winds and Following Seas

Sean detached from the USS San Jacinto today. He's officially on leave until he reports to Mechanicsburg, PA in November. There was a nice ceremony for him. First, in the wardroom, he was presented a signed and framed picture of the San Jac and a medal for outstanding service while aboard. Then the officers all lined up along the outside of the ship and Sean went through and shook hands and got 'well wished.' Then he went back to the beginning of the line and they all saluted at once and Sean walked down the line to the brow of the ship, then there was a two bell toll and an announcement for the whole ship to hear,"Lt. JG Sean Michael Payne, departing." Then all the officers did three rounds of 'hip hip hooray' and threw their covers up at each 'hooray.' It's a tradition that goes back over 200 years. I felt very patriotic to be a part of it.

Now it's time to get busy with the house renting and moving plans.

Friday, October 2, 2009

William's First Sleepover

Last week a friend of mine watched William from 6:30 am to 5:30 pm while I was cruising on the York River with Sean. I really wanted to return the favor so I offered to watch her son, Jackson, while she went to a concert with her husband. I figured they'd be out pretty late so I offered to watch Jack all night. Needless to say, she was thrilled. We've had such a good time. Jack is a little more than a year older so William idolizes him. We went to Chick-Fil-A for some nuggets and playground fun. Then back home and into the tub for a very wet, very soapy, bubble bath. Then the chore of getting the boys to sleep began. They traded PJ's and were fascinated with the glow in the dark ones and had to each try on each pair and turn out the lights. They both wanted to sleep in the top bunk, but I don't think William is ready for the top yet. It's 20 minutes to 10:00 right now. I think I'm going to have to lay the smack down and separate them. It is fun to hear them have such a good time together, but enough is enough. I don't want them crabby in the morning when I make pancakes.